


Matter

by talkingraccoon



Category: Warm Bodies (2013), Warm Bodies - All Media Types
Genre: Julie and Perry and Mr. Kelvin are just mentioned, Just some introspection and philosophizing from R, R is the only character actually present
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:22:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7281547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talkingraccoon/pseuds/talkingraccoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Bodies are just meat. The part of her that matters most... we get to keep that."</p><p>R reflects on something Perry's father said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Matter

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a quote from the Warm Bodies book. You can still read it if you've only seen the movie, but it may not feel as special.

_"Bodies are just meat. The part of her that matters most... we get to keep that."_

Perry's father had a lot of good words to say. I admire him dearly, though I have no right, but to be fair he's the closest thing to a father I know. It's just a shame he's dead and I never met him outside of my mind. Nevertheless, his voice rings through my head sometimes and I wonder if it did for Perry in the ways it does for me. Even if despite his father's wisest efforts, Perry still didn't inherit the hopefulness concocted in the man's words. So if they did ring through Perry's head, he must not have listened. At least he listened closely enough as his father actually said it, so that I could hear it, too.

Because this quote in particular about preserving memories of the dead is one that has stuck with me on a personal level. It's not one Perry's subconscious forces on me; he's moved on now anyway. I chose to file it away into my own. And of course it's not about Perry's mother to me. It's about myself, especially now. Now that I'm Living again.

 _Bodies are just meat._ I was _just meat_ for however long it's been. By that logic I'm not just meat anymore, but I still don't have my memories. They're coming back, little by little, but not as clearly as they seem to be for the others like me. I still don't even remember my name. It might have something to do with me letting myself absorb Perry so religiously, but I can't be sure. So I wonder, if I don't remember my previous life, do I even matter? Does the person I used to be even matter? Should I bother trying to exhume him?

 _The part that matters most, people get to keep._ Are there—or were there—people out there who got to keep what mattered after I died? People out there who remembered me? People out there right now who know me while I don't even know myself? Unless I eventually regather enough cohesive flashbacks that I'm certain are my own to form the outline of my old life and the people in it, I won't know these answers. This brings me back to the question of whether or not it even matters. If I even matter.

I know that _R_ matters, though. R matters to Julie which is enough for me and all I really want for the rest of my second chance at being Living, but there's more than that. R and Julie changed the world, so R and Julie both matter to a lot of people whether or not they've even heard of us. R definitely matters then, more than I could have ever imagined. That makes me feel good, really good. Alive.

Since R matters, I've come to the conclusion that if I never get back everything I used to be—not even my name—I'll be fine with it. While I was Dead I spent so much time and effort trying to reflect, to look back, to keep myself alive in the past I knew existed to me once. I thought long and hard about it, philosophized just like I am right now. I collected memorabilia from the old world and memorized every present detail of each knickknack, every second of each song played from my salvaged record collection, and I picked apart all the flashes of life granted to me with each bite of brain. I did all those things and still never quite grasped where they used to fit in the past. All I knew was that they were part of it, just like I used to be when I was previously Living. Thus, I never really remembered anything that defined myself. Although I'm thankful it eventually led me to where I am now, I never recollected anything that _mattered_ in the sense that Perry's father meant.

Now I think that self I was chasing doesn't matter after all. It's possible I wouldn't even like him, and even if I did, the world he lived in is gone now. He wouldn't fit in. I don't think I want to spend the rest of my second chance missing things that used to be. Why bother beating myself up over trying to remember, then, when I like the brand new memories I'm building? If things do start to come back more clearly, so be it, but I can't let myself dwell on them too much. And to those who are remembering their past lives, that's still not a bad thing, even if they don't necessarily like it. What _matters_ now is that we're Living again. We aren't _just meat_ anymore. We can go wherever we please from here, despite the past, just like everybody else in this new leaf the world has finally turned.

So when Julie asks me if I remember my old life, I tell her no, even if there are some things bubbling back up to the surface. Whatever they are, I don't want them. I want this life, and that's what I tell her. It's what I'll always tell her as long as she's in it. Then whenever I die for the final time, I like the idea that it's what I will leave behind without anything extra from before tacked onto it. My physical being may be _just meat_ again, but the life I will have lived with Julie... I know it'll stick around in some way, shape or form, because I know it _matters_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I wrote this exactly one year ago, but was too afraid to publish it. Now that time's passed, though, I feel less critical of it and I think it needed to see the light of day.


End file.
